I’ve been going to therapy since I was 10 years old (I will be 38 in August, go ahead and do that math). I’ve had various ones throughout my life. My most recent therapist, who I’ve been with for about 7+ years, is amazing. Here’s some of the (out of many) things she’s taught me.
Rational vs. Irrational Thinking
I know this comes from a few of my mental disorders, but my therapist often stops me and says “Hold on, say what you just said again, and tell me if that’s really true or not”. She does this to make me really listen to what I’m saying and have me figure out if what I’m saying/thinking is actually rational, or something I made up/assumed in my head and really isn’t based in reality. I’ll say something like “She’s going to despise me if I don’t go to her birthday party, but I’m just not sure cause the whole idea of the party is giving me so much anxiety”. That “She’s going to despise me” part is where the problem is - let’s say I’m referring to my best friend. We’ve been best friends for over 20 years, and she obviously knows about my mental disorders. She would never despise me over my mental state - she understands and has never ever been offended, hurt, or upset by an action I did because of any of my disorders. So in reality, that just isn’t rational, or close to the truth.
Stop Downplaying The Awesome Stuff I’ve Done/Accomplished
When I was finishing up my Bachelor’s degree, I was in my 30s. I had a lot of self esteem issues revolving around my age when I finished that degree. I wished I would have focused on college at the same age as most of the other people from my high school - many of my friends from the time went straight to college right after we graduated. I didn’t. But I went back to truly get my degrees later in life. In undergrad (not so much graduate school), I talked down on myself in therapy a lot because I didn’t think what I was doing was a big deal, since most people do what I was doing in their late teens/early 20s. So while I was an amazing student (I lost count how many times I was on the Dean’s and President’s lists), I’d often say things that minimized my successes. She not only made me realize how much I did this, she got me into the habit of being my own hype woman. Now, I remind myself how amazing I am often, and call myself a bad bitch in regular conversation to remind other people who the eff they’re talking to.
I Can’t Force Mental Change In People No Matter How Hard I Cry To Them About My Trauma
Now, this one sounds very…specific. And that’s because it is. I’m not going to get deep into this one because, well, it involves my deep rooted trauma. And while this is my blog and I can write whatever I want, I’m not gonna get ALL into that because it hurts, it’s a lot, and it’s unresolved. Anyway, this lesson is still being learned by me as we speak. I find it very hard to believe that someone who cares about me and loves me deeply won’t change (what I see) as one simple thing. In my eyes, this will resolve some of my trauma. It will also make me respect them more. It’ll also make me feel safer - for them, and for myself. But nope, they won’t do this one thing - it’s been 28 years and they haven’t done it. My therapist told me I should stop expecting them to. That they may have their own traumatic reasoning as to why they won’t do this thing. I have to work on my healing knowing what I really want this person to do will never happen. It hurts - it hurts like hell and it has all 28 of these years. But I need to continue to heal, and I can’t keep waiting for this one thing to tell me “Okay, NOW you can heal”.
What do you wish you had a therapist or counselor tell you sooner?
